Time for a laugh (not related to real estate)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her third graders how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
             
              We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.  They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona .  Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.  

They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.  They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.  There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.  

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.  He watches all day so nobody can escape.  Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.  Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.  And they eat the same thing every night - early birds.   Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.  The ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.  

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.   When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.  Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

Thanks to brother Mark for this!

Take a break: your pre-storm laugh (not real-estate related)

Why we love kids (every one of these is a winner). Thanks to Frank @ Never Alone on Hold for sending these along.

LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when Jason interrupted, "My mommy looked back once while she was driving, " he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
 
THE GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.  She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"  A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
 
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.  But there is a Higher Power.  Can anybody tell me what it is?  One child blurted out, "Aces!"
 
MOSES AND THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he'd learned in Sunday school.  "Well, mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.  When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.  Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements.  They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."  "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.  "Well, no, mom.  But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
 
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible:  Psalm 23.  She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.  Little Rick was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm.  After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.  On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was very nervous.  When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know!"
 
UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's five-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.  One day she asked him why.  "Well, honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."  "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
 
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.  Tommy's mother was horrified when she realized that her son was to blame.  She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?"  Tommy answered soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!"
 
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every pet (current and past).  For several weeks, after we had finished nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls."  Including this closing soon became part of her routine.  My curiosity finally got the best of me and I asked, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about the girls?"  Her response, "Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying, 'All Men'!"
 
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family was having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house.  Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.  When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.  "Johnny!  Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother.  "I don't need to," the boy replied.  "Of course, you do, "his mother insisted.  "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."  "That's at our house,"  Johnny explained.  "But this is grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"

Morning smile: Why I love children

TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:         Here it  is.
TEACHER:    Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS:          Maria.
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TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:            You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:       K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  
(I  Love this child)
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TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
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TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
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TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.     Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had  the axe in his hand.....    
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TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook..  
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TEACHER:       Clyde , your  composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.     Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :         No, sir. It's the same dog.     
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer  interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher 

Thanks to Steve Cook of Middletown, MD for these

What has your kid said to you lately?

We need some humor, and our children know how to provide it.

These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!! 

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?' 

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your pants. Mine say five to six.' 

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.' 

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?' 

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.' 

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?' 

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?' 

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?' 

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read : 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to his flea?' 

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?' 

'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' 

Thanks to Bob Jensen

Send me your story--I'll share it here with your permission.