Take a break: your pre-storm laugh (not real-estate related)

Why we love kids (every one of these is a winner). Thanks to Frank @ Never Alone on Hold for sending these along.

LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when Jason interrupted, "My mommy looked back once while she was driving, " he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
 
THE GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.  She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"  A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
 
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.  But there is a Higher Power.  Can anybody tell me what it is?  One child blurted out, "Aces!"
 
MOSES AND THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he'd learned in Sunday school.  "Well, mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.  When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.  Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements.  They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."  "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.  "Well, no, mom.  But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
 
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible:  Psalm 23.  She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.  Little Rick was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm.  After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.  On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was very nervous.  When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know!"
 
UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's five-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.  One day she asked him why.  "Well, honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."  "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
 
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.  Tommy's mother was horrified when she realized that her son was to blame.  She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?"  Tommy answered soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!"
 
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every pet (current and past).  For several weeks, after we had finished nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls."  Including this closing soon became part of her routine.  My curiosity finally got the best of me and I asked, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about the girls?"  Her response, "Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying, 'All Men'!"
 
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family was having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house.  Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.  When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.  "Johnny!  Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother.  "I don't need to," the boy replied.  "Of course, you do, "his mother insisted.  "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."  "That's at our house,"  Johnny explained.  "But this is grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"

Great advice for stress management

Our friends at Never Alone on Hold called my attention to this article. I don't know the source, but it works for me!

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.'

'If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.'

'In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'



He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.'

'As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. '

'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.'

'Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.

Life is short. Enjoy!'

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box*.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Thanks, NAOH! Probably better than Leo's solution, which is to dump the water and fill the glass with bourbon. Never have to worry about holding it too long . . . .